Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Not sure what to do

One of my best friends and I had a falling out about a year ago, which was her fault. She basically decided that her boyfriend of a couple months was more important than ever being able to speak to me or see me again. She was what you would call a toxic friend; someone that just kind of sucks the life out of you and drags you into their drama and problems. I decided that I would make a clean break and cut her out of my life.

Up until that point we had been friends since middle school, so that's like 6th grade. Her brother Pat was born with a form of mental retardation. I think that his learning level was never above that of a 12 year old. I just found out that he died Monday night. I knew he was sick from her Myspace page, but I didn't realize that he could possibly die.

I don't know what to do, because we really haven't kept in touch. I'd kind of like to go to the funeral, just because I knew him and we used to be friends, but I honestly don't want to be friends with her anymore. I feel like if I go, it will make her think that everything's ok and that we can go back to being friends. I have enough going on in my own life right now without having to worry about hers too. I feel like I sound selfish, but I have so many good things going on right now and I'd hate to taint them.

I didn't sleep well last night because I kept thinking about it. I didn't even get a change to talk to Mr. B about it because I came home after he had already fallen asleep. I feel like I'd be a bad person if I didn't go. Choosing to not being her friend was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. I'm happy that I was strong enough to make that decision, but I feel like if I go and see her that my decision will fall apart.

I hate when life throws you curveballs like this...but I know I'll go, even though I'm really hesitant about it.

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